Good day Stella.
I’ve been an anonymous reader of your blog for years. I decided to share my own true life story when I read about the woman that was HIV positive and the husband still loved her
My story is a long one…..
I had my first son in 2002 and in 2004, I was pregnant with the second child. My husband started sleeping outside when he returned from a course. At times we would not see him for two to three days. I decided to go to the office to find out from his brother and colleague.
He said there’s a lady deceiving my husband that he has sat him down and spoken to him thinking he had stopped seeing the lady.
That was how he abandoned us. My elder sister was the one bringing food to us and giving us money. He only comes to the house to change his clothes or pick some and leave without saying a word to us. My elder sister then registered my son in a nearby school and also gave me money to register for antenatal. My son became a total stranger to his father. The day I was to deliver my second child, he came home to pick somethings, I went and met him in the room and told him I was in labour and needed money to go to the hospital.
He asked if I gave him money to keep for me. I ignored him and went and carried the money my sister gave me to keep incase of any emergency. I put my sister with my son in a taxi to go and stay in our elder sister’s house and tell her to meet me in the hospital.
I was in labour from 10am till about 5pm before i gave birth. I was discharged after two days because my BP was high, he didn’t step his foot to the hospital, it was his uncle and wife with their daughter who is a doctor that came to see me in the hospital and were very angry. My sister said she was going to take me to her house to take care of me and the baby, but the uncle refused that I should be taken to my house to see how he will run from his responsibilities.
My sister with the husband took me back to my home. We got home and didn’t know he was in the house, it was my son that went to the room and told us daddy was in the room. Neighbors were coming and going, he refused coming out. My sister asked my neighbors to help in bathing me with the baby before she comes everyday. About four months later, my son fell sick. I took him to the hospital and some drugs were given to him, but there wasn’t improvement so we went back again and were admitted.
They ran some tests and discovered he was HIV positive and asked me to do same test which came out positive too. My husband was sent for to also come and do the test, his came out negative. My sister and I wept like little babies. I knew my life had come to an end. He went about telling people I was HIV positive. His family distanced themselves from me.
My sister looked for money to be buying the expensive drugs so that my son will survive. My son started recovering and smiling. After one month and two weeks, we were discharged. Doctors, nurses and some workers wept were so happy we were going back home. When we got back home, at night my son started crying a strange cry that kept us awake throughout the night.
I took him back to the hospital, there was no bed space. I stood there crying to God when the doctor saw me and called me to his office asking what the problem was again. He checked my son and said he was alright I should go back home and continue with the drugs. We got back home, I asked my sister to make his food. I gave him the second spoon, he pushed it out with his tongue, looked at me, stretched his hands and died.
After two weeks, my husband asked us to leave his house telling people I was Hiv positive, it was HIV that killed our child. My sister asked me to look for a vehicle to pack our things to her house.
We packed and left. He got married after two months of leaving and packed out from there.
I got a job with a private school, enrolled my son too in school. I returned my younger sister back to her parents.
Life became difficult for me, but I was determined to survive for my son. I started taking my ARV drugs. I borrowed money and rented a room and moved in with my son, my sister was still feeding us. From one challenge to another. I had heart failure in 2012 and moved to my sister’s house. It was difficult paying his school fees before he finished primary and secondary school, but God has always made a way at the last minute.
He got admission to the university immediately he finished. I ran to people for help to be able to pay his fees. I couldn’t afford accommodation money so, he squats with people at times he has no food, no money to meet his needs. 2020, there was no salary due to the covid 19. Buying my drugs became difficult. 2021, I almost died but God had mercy on me. The doctor screamed when they saw all my scan and tests results, they couldn’t believe I was still alive.
By the grace of God, I’m alive we spend about 40k on drugs every month with the help of my sister and nephew.
This year first week of January, we went for evening service. Going back home after the service, I told my sister with the children to be going I will follow them behind as she couldn’t get a bike to take me home. I was getting close to the house when I saw a phone on the ground and was happy the owner will get his phone back not knowing the phone was my sister’s husband phone that fell off his pocket. As I opened the door to enter, he saw me and turned back and went to his room, I gave the phone to my sister to give him that I picked it near the field.
He started shouting that I saw him why didn’t I come and give it to him that I was wicked, my sister told him the most important thing was that the phone has been found, he said my sister was supporting me and she has shown she likes me more than him that she will suffer. He called my son and was telling my son what I did that was it good? That was how this man stopped answering our greetings, stopped giving money for food. My sister started calling friends to help us with food.
My son was to leave back to school on the 4th, there was no money to go back and get him some food stuffs, I had to call my church member to help me with some things then I borrowed 5k for him to go we’ll send more things.
The house has been very hot for my sister. He threatens her, he will send us out of his house.
I don’t know where we’ll go to if he sends us out of his house and I know it’s me he wants out of his house. I’m living in fear. Should I go back to the village to stay with my mother? What will happen to my son’s school with all these challenges? Neither his father nor his family has ever asked of him since we left when he was 3years and now 18years in his second year in university. This is my life battle and my cross to carry. Pray for us.
What a sad story but you appear strong.
It is better you leave your sisters house and go back to the Village to your mum where you can at least have peace of mind and not to crash your sisters marriage…. You can take it from there in the Village, one day at a time… Your sister will also be able to hustle around for money for you in a better atmosphere…..
Go to your mum in the Village and let your son look for a job on the weekends to be doing to earn his money….
Your son is now an adult, let him also learn how to hustle and not depend on you… he can look for small Jobs to do to survive in the University… That is how i saw myself through school when my dad became too broke to help me in the University…… it will afford your son an opportunity to be independent at an early age.
Good luck and all the best.. Keep us updated.